Grown-up Attachment Styles and Relationship Configurations
Distinctive connection types will in general design themselves into close connections predictablely. Secure sorts are equipped for dating (or taking care of, contingent upon your viewpoint) both restless and avoidant types. They’re agreeable enough with themselves to give restless sorts the entirety of the consolation they need and to give avoidant types the space they need without feeling compromised themselves.
Restless and avoidants much of the time cut off up in friendships with each other more frequently than they cut off up in friendships with their own types.17 That may appear to be strange, yet there’s structure behind the franticness. Avoidant types are so acceptable at putting others off that periodically it’s just the restless sorts who will stay and invest the additional push to get them to open up.
For example, Avoidant Alex might have the option to effectively evade Secure Sarah’s pushes for expanded closeness. After which, Secure Sarah will acknowledge the dismissal and proceed onward. However, Anxious Anna will just turn out to be more controlled by a man who drives her away. She’ll turn to calling him for quite a long time or months on end until he at last buckles and focuses on her. This gives Avoidant Alex the consolation he needs that he can carry on freely and Anxious Anna will keep an eye out for him.
Frequently these connections produce some level of broken harmony as they fall into an example of chaser-chasee, which are the two jobs the restless and avoidant types need to feel good with closeness.
Restless avoidants just date one another or the most un-secure of the restless kinds or avoidant types. These connections are muddled, if not absolutely oppressive or careless.